What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 05:29
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
What is your daily motivation and does it work?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When she asked me how she looked .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It was going to be , some day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do you have any problem dating a younger man?
I don,t even have a pension.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What should a young woman do to control sagging breasts?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Comes on , in middle age.
What does it mean to live "the 'underconsumption' life"?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She found it foreign!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
All the time i was locked up.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Who then, do I blame.?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Put me off passion for life!!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Would this be the day?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And i lived it daily.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was seconnd youngest,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
One cannot live in the past .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
I write beautiful poetry .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But, we were locked up after school.
So, i spoilt her more .
I said to her
He resisted the act ,that day.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was in good health!
I think the readers, may guess!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What did i know ?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My life is so biszare .
She married twice! .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She wouldn,t have been !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My family never makes their pension either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I waited trembling.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She loved him until the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
He knew the spot.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!